Woman
A woman is the life support system for a vagina. This allows them to serve their two primary functions: *conveyance devices for children *pleasure devices for themselves and men Women enjoy ordering men to do the cooking and cleaning, which makes them handy for supervisory positions as well. Origins Women are an offshoot of the biblical figure Eve, who was created from one of Stephen's barbecue spare ribs, and who then ruined paradise for Stephen by eating Satan's apple (but what can ya do, she was a looker). Women were originally used to produce children, cook dinner, provide pleasure, and craft clothes and quilts. But since 1920, when the Democrats gave them the right to vote, America has been moving slowly towards anarchy. God gave women periods every month in remembrance of the day Stephen bit God for taking his rib. This was a clever trick to fool Stephen into having children so that the bleeding and complaining might subside for a while. Subordination Women are superior to men in every way, except to Stephen Colbert. The female brain is very large, about the size of a watermelon. If you don't believe this, you are probably a communist, a scientist, an Ivy League intellectual, or a man. Marie Curie was all of the above, thus proving the mental inferiority of women. If women were not so superior to men, they would be unable to work as hard as men to support themselves financially, and men wouldn't know what the hell to do with themselves. Trivia *Women are best when wearing leather in the kitchen, whipping a mans' ass. *Women can be lesbians. *Women are often irrational and don't think with their gut. *Stephen Colbert likes women. *The gays do not enjoy heterosexual intercourse with women, except for the women-gays (see "lesbians," above).Ex-gays may also learn to "enjoy" God's natural plan for them and their copulations, eventually reaching a point where sex with their wives does not require the use of intoxicating spirits and fantasies about other men. Strictly heterosexual men obviously enjoy the company of women very much. *Ann Coulter and Hillary Clinton are probably not a woman. *Women are better at spelling than men.For proof of this claim, check the "history" tabs of your favorite articles at Wikiality.com. Then pants the person who made the most spelling errors, and the person who corrected the most. The woman will be the one who resists the "pantsing." *Women are much better at yelling than men.This despite recent studies which prove that both sexes talk the same amount. Though a woman will always claim that she's "not yelling," you can prove to her that she is wrong about this by insisting that she "doesn't need to yell." Eventually, she will be forced to admit that you are right, usually by yelling something like "Well, I'm yelling now", or "You wanna hear yelling!?" If the latter formulation is used, be sure to answer "No," in order to really drive home the point about her yelling. *Regardless of what your friends and/or father might have told you, women are never "asking for it." As a general rule, women are trying to avoid "it" with you. Unless you happen to be Stephen Colbert or Matthew McConaughey, that is. Then the women would love to be "It"-getters.Get it? *Women are frequently guilty of mollycoddling. This is especially true when children are involved. Despite all recommendations to the contrary, women have a tendency both to "mother" and to "baby" their offspring. *Women are unfit for combat. Especially against spiders. No exceptions. Exceptions: 1) All the women who have served with distinction in Iraq. 2) Any women willing to participate in an upcoming surge. * According to some neanderthals, a woman's life is ruined if she loses her virginality before marriage.Her property values also significantly decline. For more on this, see Purity Balls. We all know that this is blantantly false, however. *A woman's life is not complete without a man, unless she has a vibrator. Then it becomes ten times better than if she had a man in it. The only exception to this would be if she was with Stephen Colbert. *According to noted Womanologist Dr. Stephen T. Colbert, D.F.A. the modern woman prefers to be called a "she-person". Notes